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| Letters From London |
| Humorous Views on London Culture, Royals, Gossip and Politics |
The Silly Season - 30 December 2008
Frantic not to ‘offend’, local councils are busy, busy, busy this time of year cancelling Christmas.
The wise ones demanding excessive use of twinkling lights be removed from private houses,
tinsel in pubs, decorations in town centres. Surely they recognize the differences between
religious and secular. No matter. They are nevertheless saying no manger scenes in school
pageants, no references to baby Jesus…no gift giving. Okay. Maybe not that one – as yet. But
there are always up-lifting stories to warm the heart.
This December the credit crunch has affected electrician Andy Park from Wiltshire who
celebrates Christmas 365 days a year. Yes. 365 days a year. 14 July 1994 was the beginning of
his Groundhog’s Day Christmas. Mr Parks did not say why he chose that date. But now he has
had to cut back on his fourteen year daily celebration of the traditional British Christmas. No
more scoffing mince pies and swigging sherry for breakfast. It will be a Scrooge’s Christmas
from now on. Mr Parks has kept records of his 14 year obsession: 235,206 greeting cards, 37
ovens, 23 video recorders – with the last being the result of watching the Queen’s annual
speech. Despite the recession, Mr Parks isn’t giving up his Moet; he vows to make it last for two
days. Herein lies the source of this daily celebration of the festive season?
Selfridges was not amused. Andrew Mondia, 32, was sacked from his Father Christmas job. “I
was just being my usual innocent self. I couldn’t believe I’ve been sacked for being too friendly.”
Andy was warned by one of his elves that the department store had a policy that forbade Father
Christmas asking, coercing, begging a shopper to sit on his lap. No ‘Santa Baby’ sung in Santa’s
grotto then.
Germany has suffered from a Santa shortage this Christmas. Not enough fat and fluffy-bearded,
jolly and jovial, child-friendly and low-voiced Santas with a full repertoire of Christmas poems and
songs available, spontaneous and spirited, but not too young. “It takes a lot to be a good
Santa…our Santas have to sing songs with the families and talk to the parents about their
children and the evening’s arrangements…every year it becomes harder to recruit people.”
Really? Santas need to know how to respond to children’s questions like: ‘Why does your beard
look fake?’ Why does it I’d like to know. These Santas with skills make up to £50 an hour. What
could the problem be?
Surely there must have been stories of Santas stuck in chimneys, Santas bitten by reindeer,
Santas crushed by sleds, Santas poisoned by past-sell-by-date treats left by small keen children
somewhere on earth this Silly Season Christmas….
Frantic not to ‘offend’, local councils are busy, busy, busy this time of year cancelling Christmas.
The wise ones demanding excessive use of twinkling lights be removed from private houses,
tinsel in pubs, decorations in town centres. Surely they recognize the differences between
religious and secular. No matter. They are nevertheless saying no manger scenes in school
pageants, no references to baby Jesus…no gift giving. Okay. Maybe not that one – as yet. But
there are always up-lifting stories to warm the heart.
This December the credit crunch has affected electrician Andy Park from Wiltshire who
celebrates Christmas 365 days a year. Yes. 365 days a year. 14 July 1994 was the beginning of
his Groundhog’s Day Christmas. Mr Parks did not say why he chose that date. But now he has
had to cut back on his fourteen year daily celebration of the traditional British Christmas. No
more scoffing mince pies and swigging sherry for breakfast. It will be a Scrooge’s Christmas
from now on. Mr Parks has kept records of his 14 year obsession: 235,206 greeting cards, 37
ovens, 23 video recorders – with the last being the result of watching the Queen’s annual
speech. Despite the recession, Mr Parks isn’t giving up his Moet; he vows to make it last for two
days. Herein lies the source of this daily celebration of the festive season?
Selfridges was not amused. Andrew Mondia, 32, was sacked from his Father Christmas job. “I
was just being my usual innocent self. I couldn’t believe I’ve been sacked for being too friendly.”
Andy was warned by one of his elves that the department store had a policy that forbade Father
Christmas asking, coercing, begging a shopper to sit on his lap. No ‘Santa Baby’ sung in Santa’s
grotto then.
Germany has suffered from a Santa shortage this Christmas. Not enough fat and fluffy-bearded,
jolly and jovial, child-friendly and low-voiced Santas with a full repertoire of Christmas poems and
songs available, spontaneous and spirited, but not too young. “It takes a lot to be a good
Santa…our Santas have to sing songs with the families and talk to the parents about their
children and the evening’s arrangements…every year it becomes harder to recruit people.”
Really? Santas need to know how to respond to children’s questions like: ‘Why does your beard
look fake?’ Why does it I’d like to know. These Santas with skills make up to £50 an hour. What
could the problem be?
Surely there must have been stories of Santas stuck in chimneys, Santas bitten by reindeer,
Santas crushed by sleds, Santas poisoned by past-sell-by-date treats left by small keen children
somewhere on earth this Silly Season Christmas….
