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| Letters From London |
| Humorous Views on London Culture, Royals, Gossip and Politics |
Is it Dead or Alive? 8/12/06
Madonna has gone all furry. Perhaps fearing she may be out-fleeced by Cocaine-Kate in fox and
Posh-Posh in monkey – or was that gorilla? Madonna arrived at exclusive Mayfair restaurant,
Cecconi’s, in what appeared to be a small lair of baby chinchillas encasing her body, as you do.
The £35,000 coat was undeniably stunning: collar, shoulders, cuffs and hem clearly featuring the
diminutive bodies of the prized chinchillas – as if all curled up, having an afternoon kip. You would
have half expected one of them to rear its little head and yawn.
It has been estimated in the press that 40-60 of the popular household pets sacrificed their lives
so that Madge could step from curb to entrance without a moment of temperature discomfort.
But an unfortunate incident of creature karmic payback occurred and Mrs Richie went from furry
to fury. Madge and husband Guy got into a huge, very public row. A “Can they hear me in the
kitchen?” kind of row. We’ve all read about their marriage teetering on the edge of a gaping
precipice, but those present were invited to participate. Guy repeatedly bellowed his complaints
to the audience about her need to ‘control’ everything. Do you suppose he was referring to all of
Africa?
Presumably it was simply a matter of: “I’ll have that one…and that one…no, that one has stress-
related-self-inflicted-gnaw-marks…and that one…that one looks dead already. Oh, I do so love
bespoke shopping on line”. Madge has been seen in dead fur before; fox…unborn lamb to name
just a couple. Naturally she doesn’t eat it, being a strict macrobiotic; she shoots it and she wears
it…but not necessarily in that order. Although rumour has it she has been embarrassed (really?)
into encouraging Guy, friends and those willing to pay to enjoy bloody blood sports on their
estate, while she merely takes aim at clay pigeons when observed by interlopers.
The US is the most popular source of chinchilla electrocutions - as well as human. In Madge’s
home state of Michigan, a farmer has perfected an efficient method by wheeling his chair along
the row of cages, reaching in and one by one wringing the little furry necks of distressed
chinchillas. He then throws the still twitching potential pet on the floor. "I don't feel a thing. I could
do this all day.” And he probably does. This appalling image described by the PETA investigator
looking on, who reported that the treatment of the chinchillas is exceptionally cruel. Death rates
are particularly high with one in three perishing before their necks are rung. Some reports say
they are skinned alive – and not just in China. Just to wring your heart; they live up to 15 years in
tribes of around 100, are agile, intelligent and affectionate with fragile bones. Tribes? Is there a
parallel here, Madge? “Get me one on line that has been orphaned, but still has contact with it’s
father, grandmother, cousins, friends and neighbours.” Their hearing is so acute that it is almost
identical to that of humans. Wait. I think I hear voices. “PEEETA…PEEETA… Helllllllllp….”
Even though Tony Blair banned fur farming in Britain in 2003, the British Fur Trade Association
reported earlier this year that the sales of fur garments and accessories were up 30% last year,
and that the UK animal trade is now worth between £400m and 500m a year. And that includes
those ubiquitous kitten-fur-ball scarves bought from Oxford Street vendors for a fiver. Last year,
Cherie Blair was photographed in a £1,300 rabbit-fur. Dear me, Cherie. But most British
department stores and many high street stores refuse to stock fur. However, the International
Fur Trade Federation reported last year that sales of fur globally rose from $9.1bn in 2000 to
$11.7bn in 2004.
Even those essential celebs, the Jaggers – Jade and Elizabeth, are both en-wrap-tured by fur
(sorry), but who isn’t? Kate (Moss) has been criticised for remaining as the face of real-fur-using
Burberry, after signing that £50m contract to design for anti-fur company TopShop. Could the
woman be dazed and confused? PETA has spoken out, admonishing the model, celebrity,
designer, groupie, actress, singer, icon: "It shows that she does not have any ethics but is willing
to take money for whatever she can get." Indeed.
As we can all recall probably vivdly, PETA ran that seminal anti-fur campaign in the 90s, "I’d
rather go naked than wear fur", featuring Kate, Naomi and the naked others– to have them all
revert back to going fur-skinned. The forgotten Cindy Crawford said that she hadn’t ‘meant it’
after all when confronted. Who doesn’t love a disingenuous (ex) model? PETA has launched a
website, BloodyBurberry.com showing pictures of dead animals superimposed on images of
models to dissuade - apparently to no avail: Britney and Beyoncé are now increasing their fur-
massing with rabbit boots, Mukluks, so perfect for those warm and sunny LA days. It’s probably
best to hide all small, furry pets.
Madonna has gone all furry. Perhaps fearing she may be out-fleeced by Cocaine-Kate in fox and
Posh-Posh in monkey – or was that gorilla? Madonna arrived at exclusive Mayfair restaurant,
Cecconi’s, in what appeared to be a small lair of baby chinchillas encasing her body, as you do.
The £35,000 coat was undeniably stunning: collar, shoulders, cuffs and hem clearly featuring the
diminutive bodies of the prized chinchillas – as if all curled up, having an afternoon kip. You would
have half expected one of them to rear its little head and yawn.
It has been estimated in the press that 40-60 of the popular household pets sacrificed their lives
so that Madge could step from curb to entrance without a moment of temperature discomfort.
But an unfortunate incident of creature karmic payback occurred and Mrs Richie went from furry
to fury. Madge and husband Guy got into a huge, very public row. A “Can they hear me in the
kitchen?” kind of row. We’ve all read about their marriage teetering on the edge of a gaping
precipice, but those present were invited to participate. Guy repeatedly bellowed his complaints
to the audience about her need to ‘control’ everything. Do you suppose he was referring to all of
Africa?
Presumably it was simply a matter of: “I’ll have that one…and that one…no, that one has stress-
related-self-inflicted-gnaw-marks…and that one…that one looks dead already. Oh, I do so love
bespoke shopping on line”. Madge has been seen in dead fur before; fox…unborn lamb to name
just a couple. Naturally she doesn’t eat it, being a strict macrobiotic; she shoots it and she wears
it…but not necessarily in that order. Although rumour has it she has been embarrassed (really?)
into encouraging Guy, friends and those willing to pay to enjoy bloody blood sports on their
estate, while she merely takes aim at clay pigeons when observed by interlopers.
The US is the most popular source of chinchilla electrocutions - as well as human. In Madge’s
home state of Michigan, a farmer has perfected an efficient method by wheeling his chair along
the row of cages, reaching in and one by one wringing the little furry necks of distressed
chinchillas. He then throws the still twitching potential pet on the floor. "I don't feel a thing. I could
do this all day.” And he probably does. This appalling image described by the PETA investigator
looking on, who reported that the treatment of the chinchillas is exceptionally cruel. Death rates
are particularly high with one in three perishing before their necks are rung. Some reports say
they are skinned alive – and not just in China. Just to wring your heart; they live up to 15 years in
tribes of around 100, are agile, intelligent and affectionate with fragile bones. Tribes? Is there a
parallel here, Madge? “Get me one on line that has been orphaned, but still has contact with it’s
father, grandmother, cousins, friends and neighbours.” Their hearing is so acute that it is almost
identical to that of humans. Wait. I think I hear voices. “PEEETA…PEEETA… Helllllllllp….”
Even though Tony Blair banned fur farming in Britain in 2003, the British Fur Trade Association
reported earlier this year that the sales of fur garments and accessories were up 30% last year,
and that the UK animal trade is now worth between £400m and 500m a year. And that includes
those ubiquitous kitten-fur-ball scarves bought from Oxford Street vendors for a fiver. Last year,
Cherie Blair was photographed in a £1,300 rabbit-fur. Dear me, Cherie. But most British
department stores and many high street stores refuse to stock fur. However, the International
Fur Trade Federation reported last year that sales of fur globally rose from $9.1bn in 2000 to
$11.7bn in 2004.
Even those essential celebs, the Jaggers – Jade and Elizabeth, are both en-wrap-tured by fur
(sorry), but who isn’t? Kate (Moss) has been criticised for remaining as the face of real-fur-using
Burberry, after signing that £50m contract to design for anti-fur company TopShop. Could the
woman be dazed and confused? PETA has spoken out, admonishing the model, celebrity,
designer, groupie, actress, singer, icon: "It shows that she does not have any ethics but is willing
to take money for whatever she can get." Indeed.
As we can all recall probably vivdly, PETA ran that seminal anti-fur campaign in the 90s, "I’d
rather go naked than wear fur", featuring Kate, Naomi and the naked others– to have them all
revert back to going fur-skinned. The forgotten Cindy Crawford said that she hadn’t ‘meant it’
after all when confronted. Who doesn’t love a disingenuous (ex) model? PETA has launched a
website, BloodyBurberry.com showing pictures of dead animals superimposed on images of
models to dissuade - apparently to no avail: Britney and Beyoncé are now increasing their fur-
massing with rabbit boots, Mukluks, so perfect for those warm and sunny LA days. It’s probably
best to hide all small, furry pets.
