| LETTERS FROM LONDON |
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| REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL 26 July 2011 |
| 1. Back to Black ‘One of the greatest singers of all time’. Of all time? ‘The greatest singer of the century.’ The century? Amy Winehouse? With tears flooding computer keyboards every A-Z list personality has expressed their shock and opinion between sobs. Her ‘influences’, Bessie Smith...Billie Holiday...Etta James...Sarah Vaughn were the greatest singers of all time. Winehouse was clearly talented, several really good songs, but enough of self-important experts pontificating on and on. Fans and neighbours have left vodka bottles, beer cans and cigarettes butts outside her North London house. Thinking she would need them on the other side? 2. The Emperor's New Clothes ‘The greatest painter of the century’. Oh not again. ‘A genius’. ‘The greatest British painter’. Not quite. Sycophants have queued up to deify Lucian Freud. His early drawings were competent but illustrative as were some of his early paintings. His later work was obviously visceral, grotesque, repellent, creepy, shock-producing, reminiscent of Ivan Albright with a bit of El Greco - not Francis Bacon, his rival – no matter how much he may have wished to have that much facility and talent. Freud admired Vermeer. Really. More London News about Lucian Freud 3. Off With Her Head 600,000 aspirants, fantasists, royalists have already presented £17.50 to see ‘the dress’ – that £250,000 wedding dress upstaged by Pippa’s bum – the cash cow showpiece of the Buckingham Palace's annual ten week summer exhibition. Not only will they see that dress, but also the eight-tier partially preserved/partially replicated cake, the 1936 Cartier tiara lent by the Queen, a silk version of the bouquet, the earrings, the shoes – but no knickers. Beating the crowds, the Queen took a tour with ex-Waity. As they stared at the headless mannequin, the Queen and was heard to say: 'horrible' and then 'horrid'. Surely she wasn’t referring to KM’s Machiavellian methods. 'It's made to look very creepy’. KM added: it had a ‘3-D effect’. What? Don’t tell the punters. 4. Up, Up and Away Airmiles Andy has been made redundant. No more hanging about with dubious sheiks, paedophiles, billionaires making all sort of dodgy deals with us picking up the tab for the ‘special representative’. Prince Andrew is throwing in his monogrammed silk hanky and his anti DVT Flight socks to promote apprenticeships for young people. Will he be requiring the expertise of dear friend American billionaire hedge fund manager Jeffrey Epstein who had been jailed for 13 months for soliciting prostitution from minors? Perhaps not. Five ‘business’ trips PA made in 2010-11 alone added up to £350,000 courtesy of our generosity. God knows how he’ll extract cash from us with his new title, but you just know it’s inevitable. Quite a dilemma for pensioners’ budgets; food, heat or Andy’s fund – or should it be fun? 5. If You Say So Evidently Beyonce is still talking about herself a week later: “I have a God-given talent, drive and longevity that will always separate me from everyone else...” while husband Jay-Z’s music is “more than music. His lyrics have fathered generations. All that he has overcome gives millions so much hope. There are moments when I think, ‘Wow! How did I get so lucky to be able to witness this level of genius so closely?’” His or hers? Geniuses? Not quite. Apparently Just Jen continued her monologue as well. She revealed that after promoting her new rubbish film Horrible Bosses, she was planning a break from acting – so that’s what she does. “After I take time off I’m hoping my brain expands.” Sometimes a response isn’t necessary. After a week of hysterical hyperbole and horror, the Murdoch mess will be quite a relief. |