| LETTERS FROM LONDON |
 | |  | |  | |  | |  | |  | |  |
| REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL 31 August 2011 |
| 1. The Lazy Hazy Crazy Days of Summer Like summer, the Silly Season is over having never really materialised. The coldest summer since 1993. Not cold, simply not summer. Summer was in April, like last year and the year before. We waited and waited and waited. June, July, August. We winged and winged and winged. To no avail. The Silly Season was highlighted by riots and looting. We’re not having fun are we? But in the spirit of the month, I’ll do my best. Former London mayor, Ken Livingstone, entered into the spirit with his analogy of Churchill vs Hitler: he is naturally Churchill and London mayor Boris is Hitler. Ken called the 2012 mayoral race as “a simple choice between good and evil”. Oh Ken. Not a good mayoral move. He preferred biblical references to set the record straight. “People that [sic] don’t vote for me will be weighed in the balance come Judgement Day. The Archangel Gabriel will say, ‘You didn’t vote for Ken Livingstone in 2012. Oh dear, burn for ever, your skin flayed for all eternity.’ Truth in jest, fool Ken? Or a bit too much tipple at lunch? Next: The headline read: BBC rocked by ‘socks in the fridge’ scandal. The referenced fridge is shared by World at One, PM and the Today programme. A mystery being alluded to as ‘sockgate’. A BBC producer emailed colleagues: “I am genuinely sorry if the person doing this has a medical condition. I’m not trying to be mean. Have you considered a coolbag? You can get them fairly cheap on Amazon [linking the email]. But please stop putting your socks in the fridge. It’s just plain gross.” I promise I’m not delirious from drinking with Ken or making this up. A biography of Benjamin Disraeli once took up residence in the fridge. Sock-less mice have been spotted outside the fridge. Next: The bordering on infamous wife of the Speaker of the Commons, Sally Bercow, entered the Big Brother house and exited it first. High on self- importance, self-delusion, self-congratulations, self-glorification, self- satisfaction with her latest search for celebrity status, she now has plans to enter all and every reality programme – and run for labour MP. Perhaps she should have a chat with Churchill/Ken.... Next: 70% of all public transport taking tourists on their way to see the 2012 Olympic Games will be forced to stop and shop at the new Australian owned £1.45b Westfield Stratford City shopping centre. One tube exit leads them straight into the world of shopping wonders. Prada, Bulgari, Dior. Oh joy. Surely retail competition is so much more exciting than pole vaulting. They can eat, sleep, watch a film, buy an unwanted/unnecessary luxury item with 50 restaurants, 3 hotels, 17 cinema screens, 300 shops and a casino if they are feeling lucky to have discovered heaven on earth. They’ll need to get prepared for a 400 metre dash for the latest Burberry handbag. Trainers essential. Saving the best for last: Bernie Ecclestone’s £5m wedding for his deserving daughter Petra, with Sarah Ferguson and Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie quaffed £6,500 bottles of Chateau Petrus. Perfect. Oh look. Madonna has unveiled her latest face. Scary. You know the Silly Season is truly over when serious subjects take the fun out of the funny. US anti-abortion-religious-fanatics determined to end abortion as we know it, US corporate/religious control of education as we know it, the NHS as we know it. Nothing new here except they are winning. Not silly at all. |