| LETTERS FROM LONDON |
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| REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL 10 February 2012 |
| MONEY TALKS Can't do email, can't use a computer, can't read, can't write, can't comprehend financial matters, can't add numbers under 100,000, multi-millionaire Tottenham Hotspur's manager Harry Redknapp missed being sent to prison for dubious money transfers to Monaco. "Let's see here. £123,940 plus 104,554 adds up to £228,494. Wait a minute. Did I really do that? Without a calculator? Me? I'm a fantastic football manger. I've got no business acumen whatsoever, do I Milan." HR's reputation concerning player and pecuniary transfers began the five year investigation. HR has "not even thought" about managing the English team. Really? So does that mean he can't think either? But "I'm fatter...I mean I'm flattered." Within hours, Italian Fabio Capello had jumped or been pushed from his England manager position and Redknapp surged to the top of the list to replace him. HR was "shocked and surprised." Hmmmm. Curiously the Football Association failed to inform Capello of their decision regarding their resolve to strip John Terry of the England captaincy due to allegations he used racist abuse against Anton Ferdinand after Euro 2012. Capello was in Italy at the time. Although it had been rumoured FC wanted to take his £6m before his contract ended in July and go, he now says his abrupt departure was the result of a misunderstanding. Of the language? HK: "What's a Kandinsky?" I'M PRETTY AS A PICTURE Stop. Hang on. The palace has made an announcement. Ex-Waity went out - unaccompanied, unaided - except for her royal body guards and a huge press contingent - after 4 hours at her hairdresser's. Clearly her job is her hair is it not? Bravo! Congrats! Banners out at Buckingham Palace. Kate Machiavellian Middleton was at the opening of Lucien Freud's retrospective at the National Portrait Gallery. She's due to have her royal portrait done by the royal portrait painter. Pity Freud's dead. There she was; alone, locks in perfect place, in a lone dress that all those who live in the fantasy world of 'I will be able to marry a prince and become a princess if I wear what she wears' can't find in any of the shops and they are panicked. A devious deed possibly? KMM knows they can copy her flippable hair - but not the dress this time. The label is defunct. She was placed in front of one of the paintings surely titled 'Family with Various Size Heads' rather than one of his 14 illegitimate/legitimate children painted naked in their teenage years. Good choice. SIR, I WANT SOME MORE.... Oh joy. The Sirs are going to gather to perform at the Queen's Diamond Jubilee June 4 in front of Buckingham Palace. Paul McCartney, Cliff, Elton, Tom Jones plus the Dame Shirley Bassey, Gary Barlow, oh god Jules Holland and for the younger royals JLS, Ed Sheeran, Jessie J and for those who know better Annie Lennox, Madness and Lang Lang for the Queen. Rumours persist the Spice Girls plus little Harper Seven naturally might want to join the boring, so boring, seriously boring line up. Send away for 10,000 free tickets now. Gary Barlow is organising the big do showcasing the 'best' of pop, rock, classical and musical theatre from each decade of the Queen’s 60-year reign. "That's what we're trying to do here, make this concert all-encompassing for everyone involved... with Buckingham Palace as a backdrop... it's going to be a fantastic event which transcends multiple decades of music." Not Sir Paul again. Barlow aims it to be 'newer and better' than Queen guitarist Brian May's brilliant performance at the 2002 Golden Jubilee concert when he played the national anthem on the Buckingham Palace roof. Gary. You need a Plan B. |