Letter From London - The Deed is Done - Humorous Gossip from London

Be Ashamed...Be Very Ashamed - 2 July 2006

Dear Lulu,

I’ve gnawed my fingernails down to the nub, I’m cancelling my holiday to Portugal this year, and I won’t be doing my Scottish accent at parties. I’m gutted…inconsolable…bereft…oh yes, and bothered.

I wasn’t living in false hope, really. Well, I suppose if you take Sven into account I was. Everyone was so confident … confident that England had a chance to win the World Cup. Even allowing for inflated machismo, swacks in the head, cleats in thighs, contrived injuries, long-hair-swinging (what was that?)…England had a chance against all that until Cristano Ronaldo repeated the Portuguese preferred play of the tournament: intimidate the referee with red-faced personal outrage until he rules in your favour. Fellow player in crime, Luis Figo did his red-card-trick against Holland - utterly spurious.

True enough, accident waiting to happen, Wayne Rooney misplaced his post-broken-metatarsal foot in his muddled provocation over what/where a ball is (certainly not in the groin of Ricardo Carvalho) and he may not be the brightest knife in the box, but he is incredibly talented and was seemingly crucial to that match. What's more - what was that bit of seductive whispering planted in his ear by Ronaldo, followed by a smirk? Goading? Gloating? Knowing Rooney’s frustration level and immaturity, it was like a wild dog pack going in for the kill of a water buffalo separated from the pack on the Serengeti.

And then we had the wink. The wink says it all. Ronaldo has a reputation as a crafty player, but this whole episode smacks of betrayal; betrayal of his fellow Manchester United team mate…betrayal of ‘the beautiful game’. Have these players never heard of sporting values - the very essence of competitive play? Apparently not. Nevertheless not to worry; Portugal will never make it through to the final no matter how deceitful their tactics because they just aren’t that good – and there is a sports god - isn’t there?

Rooney has sworn on girlfriend Coleen’s credit cards that “I’ll split him in two!” and will never appear on the pitch with his team mate again. Dear. Dear. If he does, Ronaldo may want to feign injury or play dead.

“C’mon Paraguay! C’mon Portugal!” Ah, such grace, such maturity, such sports-person-ship. Scottish – or British to some – tennis hope, Andrew Murray should keep his mouth shut - or at least stop making that odious ‘Yes!’ face when he prevails with one of those underhanded drop shots. Please. It’s nasty. Trust me. Appalling enough that Andy verbally abuses his loyal British fans in the Wimbledon stands with expletives when he falters, but to openly desire the demise of the English football team at the World Cup…bad, very bad. Full-of-grace Federer will flatten the little git in the end. I long for Bjorn.

TTFN

Maggie

Letters From London