Letter From London - The Deed is Done - Humorous Gossip from London

And the Award Goes To... - 16 February

Dear Lulu,

“Petah. Petah, Petah….” No, not Bette (Davis) Dahling, it’s PETA, PETA, PETA who pelted, as it were, Julien Macdonald and with less coverage, Paris Hilton with white powder (no, it was flour) as a visual protest against their support of the ‘we’re baaaack’ fur industry. Macdonald alone could maintain it with his mink, sable and yes, crystal studded chinchilla coats featured on the catwalk. In case you need another reason to be repulsed by the man, remember his quote: “only skinny, beautiful women” should wear his clothes. Oh, would he have been referring to the hundreds of fur coats PETA sends to skinny from starvation Pakistan earthquake victims? I think not.

The two were flour bombed as they arrived at the after-his-show party at the Cuckoo Club in Mayfair to celebrate the beginning of London Fashion Week. They then were bundled up and driven away, only to arrive all fresh and ready in a magical five minutes later. The PETA perpetrator broke away from door staff and escaped by running down the street.

HeiressParis surprisingly appeared on the catwalk fur-coat-less, but bejewelled in a £2 million heart-shaped necklace and a wedding dress, ironic after having had broken off her engagement to other heir Paris (Latsis) in what had originally seemed surely to be the ultimate narcissistic trick in the charity goodie bag: Paris marries Paris…wait. Paris doesn’t marry Paris.

You should know that drenched in fur were models pathetically without conscience or very, very dim Elizabeth Jagger, Jasmine Guiness and Erin O’Connor. Dame Shirley Bassey, ever pointless Tamara Beckwith and Meg Mathews are a few of the supporters of Macdonald’s 70’s-80’s inspired fashion shows. I do believe he is channelling Gianni (Versace). Bless.

More flour-power to come you might ask? Well, after a long, deliberate absence from London Fashion Week, British editor of American Vogue, Anna Wintour, sans ubiquitous sunglasses (with that little puffy under the eye area gone missing) is popping over for just a few shows, to a specifically rescheduled to suit her Fashion Week. Placards are painted and ready for her perusal. Up close and personal? Activists have uncovered “the ugliest shot we could find; a real shocker…something that reflects Anna’s selfish, cruel nature.” Previously they have covered her in red paint, smacked cream pies in her face and thrown a (dead) raccoon on her dinner. Will signage satisfy? We bow to the masters.

We Predict a Riot while Everyday We Love You Less and Less. Yes! Three awards to Kaiser Chiefs at the Brit Awards. The awards will be shown on TV the night after. And the explanation for that is? James-trousers-around-his-ankles-Blunt, the male Celine Dion (and equally repugnant) won two too many awards. “There are a lot of pretty girls in this [category], so I’m happy.” We unfortunately do know why. “I’ve been accused so many times of singing like a girl. Now I’ve won best British male maybe that will remind me I should sing more like a man.” Promises. Promises.

‘How can ya keep ‘em down on the farm, after they’ve seen Paree’, Paris Hilton, just couldn’t be persuaded to stay with new-best-friend-Julien or on the farm. She presented an award for an album titled American Idiot. Sometimes, life just can’t get any better.

But then it does….Anti-commercial-awards Artic Monkeys recorded their acceptance speech, still playing the game, but not quite admitting it, they gushed in fake American accents: “We’re almost in tears. We’re awash with emotion.” Not quite right, boys. Firstly, American pop stars don’t have tears and secondly, no one there knows the word ‘awash’. It’s more like: “Hey man! Yo! We won! We won! We can’t buleeeve it! You luv us! We gotta thank [list of 128] and especially, ya know, Jesus Christ.”

Coldplay’s Chris Martin admonished most of us with his verbal (verbiage) support of Blunt: ‘Stop being so mean to him: he’s British!’ Oh. OK then. But there may be a god after all: Coldplay are going into retirement for the next two years. “People are fed up with us – and so are we.” Is that clapping I hear? Thank you. Thank you.

TTFN

Maggie

Letters From London