Dear Lulu,
I can’t breathe in this: rubble, coffin, burka. Is it just a matter of time before we find ourselves - buried under our beds… dead… burka-ed in Britain?
Time to have a little think here after the thwarted attempt to explode 10-12 airplanes in the skies over the US and the UK. Which would be preferable? Death - or no Eastenders, dancing, mobile phones, books, newspapers, nail varnish, white shoes, teachers, pets, Pilates? Hmmm. Death or living death? The subjugated stay-at-home-ideal-woman forced to withdraw from the world - forced to order from catalogues? “Ohhh. Lovely. This frilly, feathery pink thing on page 12. Think I’ll order a matching thong. Ohhhh. I do so love a bright red lace camisole with black satin ribbons. Ohhh…ohhh.”
I find myself a bit mystified here. Although quite certain when Britain becomes a Sharia state as promised, everything will be clearly explained for me. Interviews with women have revealed that from birth little girls are indoctrinated with the idea that they are so intoxicating, persuasively sexual that they must be protected from men by being virtually imprisoned for their own protection. Or. Interviews with men have revealed that they are so forcefully, menacingly sexual that all women must be protected from these rabid creatures. And then there is the intense interest in young boys. Dear, dear. I am confused.
During this kill and be killed - burka or nun’s habit - fundamentalist vs fundamentalist period of repeated history, curiously enough we have fashion for the first time in years. Dressed to die rather than dressed to kill? This autumn, it’s ‘choose your persona’ while you can. Wednesday. What will I be today? A man in a suit or a thirteen year old boy…a shiny object via metallics and lamé…a cuddly-woolly-chunky knitted teddy bear in tights…très rich in beaded-embellished ready-to-wear, a wild African animal (yes, yet again), layered like Heidi in the melting Alps adding an extra 10-15 pounds? At least those dressed in traditional jilbabs need only slap a post-it note on their backs: ‘I AM wearing the new black.’ We’ve been force-fed that brown, grey, white, dark blue, black have all been ‘the new black’; but fashion gurus have never warmed to light blue. It could be said that light blue only really looks good on red-heads, but when burka-ed from head to toe, strained eyes peering out through the niqab grid, who would know? Kaftans have been big this summer, the beloved Biba of 60’s peace and love is back and rumour has it that ‘power dressing’ is about to overwhelm us. Irony anyone?
So what will it be? Dissolving from the heat with a bag over your head? Stoned to death for laughing out loud? Rickets? But no fear of skin cancer.Or a vintage black taffeta Dior cocktail dress? Unfortunately the choice may not be yours to make. The pro-neocon, Prime Minister-in-waiting, Home Secretary, John Reid informs us that four sinister plots have been curtailed since 7/7. MI5 is currently investigating at least 1,200 suspects considered actively engaged in terror-related activities. Think I’ll stay in for a bit. Where’s my hooded sweatshirt? Where’s that take-away menu? Mmm chicken vindaloo….
TTFN
Maggie
Past Letters
Smile, You're On Candid Camera - 7 November 2006
Too Good To Be True - 22 October 2006
Putting His Money Where His House Is - 4 October 2006
What? Me Worry? 19 September 2006
It's a Bird, It's a Plane...It's a Controled Demolition - 11 September 2006
I Smell, Therefore I Am - 25 August 2006
I Can't Breathe in This - 16 August 2006
Is it Hot or is it Hell? - 29 July 2006
Be Ashamed...Be Very Ashamed - 2 July 2006
Dave's Big Clear Out - 26 June
No Jewellery on the Pitch - 7 June
'Baby You're a Rich Man, Too' - 26 May
My Hair Made Me Do It - 10 May
Foot in Mouth Disease - 22 February