Letter From London - Enough is Enough - Humorous Gossip from London

Enough is Enough - 27 April

Dear Lulu,

Ok, enough is enough. I am perilously close to barking at unsuspecting small dogs and/or sinking my teeth into untreated planks of wood. This election is beginning to really annoy me. I realised something was amiss today when Soulless Mike and Slick Tony suddenly and inexplicably shunned their previously perplexing pinkandblue phases. Simultaneously, they have both taken to wearing red ties. Red. Let’s see… passion, war, blood, rotten tomatoes.

Our man Tony has been caught out on Iraq – oh, surprise, surprise – while not our man under any living (or dead) circumstances Mikey has been pushing the dirty politics envelope way passed where Royal Mail delivers.

It’s a bit like American wrestling; you have one huge, sweaty, hirsute ‘actor’, oh say The Prince of Darkness, pressing his boot on the vulnerable neck of his squirming, sputtering Truth Twister opponent, while beating his chest in victory.

Following the perfected American anti-democratic system, Aussie Lynton Crosby has maintained total control of this election so far…and I seriously doubt if things are about to change in a week. But there is always hope. A word Lynton; beware. Your equal-in-evilness, Lee Atwater, of Willie Horton infamy, soon after he set the precedent for US politics as we now know them to be, died of a brain tumour and was forced to publicly repent before he went off to where all vile political advisors go. (Even Australian summers aren’t that hot). Be afraid, be very afraid.

I am. Not that all this manipulation hasn’t been patently obvious. But seeing the ramifications in print sends shivers down your spine. Wayne Swan, an Australian Labour PM, is so concerned that he has written to Tony Blair exposing the tried and unfortunately true tactics of Crosby, assisted by American Republican Party consultants. Uh oh. Lee Atwater’s been crossing over again. In the 1992 Queensland state election, Crosby set up a TV advert in which the death of a young Queenslander was exploited for political gain by holding the Labour party responsible as a result of government policy. (I hear echoes of Willie Horton, don’t you?) Another slippery scheme employed is to ‘suggest’ falsehoods as truth. If caught, they ‘take them back’. (In the US, the Bush machine made references to opponent John McCain’s probable homosexual adventures in the POW camp. Nice. Very nice). The whole point is for the information to insidiously seep into the unsuspecting voter’s consciousness. “Are you thinking what we’re thinking?” What? Becoming a racist? Then there’s “push polling”: feeding voters “information” about a candidate under the guise of taking a poll to see how this “information” affects voter preference. Swan is so concerned because it worked so well in Australia – over and over again.

By the by, Camilla has had yet another one of those bad candy floss hair days. She was out and about with Charles, having taken a much deserved respite from all that crowd pleasing behind tinted-glass. They were opening a sports, arts, whatever community centre in lovely Regents (“Oh Chuckie Dahling. Is this all mine… I mean ours?” “Not sure, Petals. Will have someone check on it.”) Park. When oh dear, her mind-of-its-own hair took it upon itself to stand up and wave to the crowds. There’s a clear danger of her hair becoming ‘a third party in this marriage’.

TTFN - Maggie

Letters From London