Letter From London - We Are Not Amused - Humorous Gossip From London

A Wedding, Two Funerals and an Election - 5 May

Dear Lulu,

A wedding, two funerals and a general election.

With Camilla ensconced, the Pope and Prince Rainier embalmed, we’re left with the results of a nasty, boring campaign, and at the end – an almost exciting election.

The people have spoken, but not enough voted. So it’s goodbye to Pretty-in-Pink, the dark Mr Howard, who had been convinced that he would wake up at 10 Downing Street today to hear Sandra inviting Cherie’s hairdresser to call round before noon. In case you’ve forgotten; Sandy, having perfected that campaign-smirk that gradually warped into a little mouse-mouth, gleefully admonished Cherie for her hairdresser’s £70 fee. Clearly, someone whips up Ms Smirker’s bleached-beige 70’s look, and I rather doubt it’s for a fiver. To their credit, the British voters rejected Michael Howard/Lynton Crosby’s vitriolic, vindictive, personal campaign. So, the American-Australian underhanded approach to politics will be returned from whence it came. MH is stepping down before he is knocked down. “I guess we’re not in Queensland anymore, Toto.”

Baroness Thatcher is back. She was so ‘frustrated’ with Howard’s campaign, that she left the country – the first time in 70 years during an election.

Miss Otis Regrets. If only. Brian Ferry’s 22 year old enough to know better son, Otis was arrested when he shouted and attempted to climb over a barrier in an effort to attack the Blairs at 6:20 AM as they stood on the steps of the National Gallery, about to celebrate Labour’s victory. Otis! We are all more than aware of your position on bloody blood sports for young children. Is all this constant acting-out really necessary? Words fail, except for the obvious: pathetic ******, stupid ****, thick *****.

A word, Tony. Well, three words: I a m s o r r y. See. How difficult was that?

TTFN, Maggie

Letters From London