Letter From London - The Deed is Done - Humorous Gossip from London

Go 'Ho Yourself' - 15 March

Dear Lulu,

The no-frills chemist chain, Superdrug is in danger of taking itself a bit too seriously in the guise of cheeky tongue-in-cheek. They have been expanding exponentially as of late. Superdrug is impossible to miss on every high street in the country; there’s a threat of endemic blindness. It’s new look consists of lighting so harsh, so intense that the not ever so helpful staff could perform brain surgery in the aisles between dental care and foot aids if so inclined.

They have sent a ‘Ho Yourself’ kit to the doyenne of ethics, the ecological innovator, the first fair-trader herself, Dame Anita Roddick. Apparently they fancy themselves as the Body Shop rival. Now really. Get real. Cheap and cheerful, blinding fluorescent lighting, deeply discounted J Lo ‘Glow’ vs homage to Ralph Lauren forest green, ‘Hello. And how are you today? May I help you with anything?’ Are they mad? We’re talking chalk and cheese here.

Roddick has spoken out against ‘the “pimp and whore” culture in which pop stars simulate sex and celebrities talk proudly of visiting lap-dancing clubs’. Roddick railed to the London Evening Standard: “A lot of people seem to think it’s cool to be a pimp or a whore. It’s not cool. The reality is dark and evil and appalling and unregulated. The reality is sexual trafficking, which is about young women being forced into rooms to have sex however many times a day, so the pimp can take all the money. I don’t get it.” Dame Anita couples the imagery with the beauty advertising industry making it impossible for young women to grow up with high self-esteem. “…in kids’ magazines there is a passivity and a stupidity that is seen as the great way forward…we have the most violent young women in Europe because of binge drinking. I haven’t got much hope. Something’s gone very wrong.” Absolutely. I only wonder what took her so long to notice.

Her daughter, Sam, hmmm… has her own erotic emporium in Covent Garden offering fair-trade (it must be in the blood) hand-cuffs and other accoutrements. Do you think her mother knows? Self-justifying-Sam insists her shop has a ‘female-centric’ focus which aims to celebrate sex without exploiting women. (Don’t they all say that?) Now. How do you do that exactly? Hand-cuff yourself? Have sex by yourself? Become a lesbian? I must have missed it; when did hand-cuffs become a female fantasy? Perhaps a bit more feminist input from mum in those formative years would have been helpful. Apparently Sam and her sister have commented that they rarely saw their parents. Obviously.

Those at Superdrug have found Roddick’s observations a slap in the face to their loyal (huh?) customers. Funnily, I’ve never noticed celebrities or hos in Superdrug when shopping for shampoo.

Their ‘Ho Yourself’ kit included: false eyelashes and false nails, gold chains, bangles, hoop earrings and body shimmer. Dame Anita hasn’t had the opportunity to transform herself into a proper ‘ho’, but her office will report back after she tries the inspirational kit.
“At Superdrug, we love Beyonce and the glamour of bling. It’s a little simplistic to say wearing bling and looking glamorous promotes the sex trade. After all, wearing a hippy-inspired gypsy skirt doesn’t make people take LSD and cannabis.” Well darlings, it did, and was acid and pot for those not in the know. “What Dame Anita calls ‘Pimp and Ho chic’, we call a trend.” Just imagine; an entire office of the dim and the dumb. Bling is sooooo déclassé, darlings.

TTFN

Maggie

Letters From London