Letter From London - The Deed is Done - Humorous Gossip from London

Smoke and Mirrors - 9 September

Dear Lulu,

Hiding from New Orleans, the Bush Boy returned to Baton Rouge – he just can’t stay away, hugging the washed and the coiffed; a little black girl with a perfect pink ribbon tied in a bow in her hair, a woman with a sort of 60’s pineapple-curl-effect on the top of her head that could only have been done professionally. Mr Compassionate was back for photo opportunities; wake the National Guard.

According to the official White House transcript, BB was having just a grand ole time with (one of my personal favourites high on the list of: should be exterminated in the interest of humanity) Trent Lott, posing for one of those photo-ops. One…one of Mr Lott’s houses was demolished. Oh. I’m getting all teary. There was no indication as to exactly how many he has/had. The Boy chuckled: “Out of the rubbles (sic) of Trent Lott’s house – he’s lost his entire house – there’s going to be a fantastic house. And I’m lookin’ forward to sittin’ on the porch.” I’m not quite sure if he strung all those words together on the first go. Maybe he practiced while being airlifted. “Trent Lott, Trent…Lott’s house…fantastic…fantastic house….” That Southern-sittin’-on-the-porch image was followed by laughter – guffawing I’d imagine – thigh slapping perhaps, back slapping. ”Hey Cowboy! Yo Lotty! You slap mine, I’ll slap yours.” A reminder if you’ve forgotten: Lott was the Senate majority leader until he was forced to resign because he proudly said he regretted that racial desegregation had taken place in the South in the ‘50’s and ‘60’s. To be honest, I can’t imagine why he had to resign….

On those few days a year when BB has been led by hand to the White House, he has been stuffing the pockets of the rich with other people’s money, like every good ole Republican boy. BB used money needed for Fema (the only organisation that offers disaster aid) to offer up $200bn tax cuts for his ‘buddies’: the rich. To help all those unfortunate poor black people down there, BB suggested Americans dig deep and give hard-earned money to Pat Robertson’s right-wing organisation, ‘Operation Blessing’. The same Pat Robertson who suggested the US should ‘take out’ heads of government not in line with The Right Wing Agenda? Like Hugo Chavez, the democratically elected president of Venezuela? Wal-Mart has received $1bn in federal and state subsidies. I’m being momentarily blinded by the words ‘obscene’, ‘greed’, ‘the Antichrist’ passing before my eyes.

Oh god. Breaking news! They have found Dick! And here all this time I had thought Cheney was embalmed in a back room in the White House since his disappearance 8:48 AM, 9/11. If he is seen simply propped up and appears to have a waxy finish, we’ll know for certain. Condi was dragged out in her little beige suit to lift one, then another food can and place them one, then the other in an open box. Is that applause I hear? Even Oprah grabbed the spotlight at a shelter bellowing: “You are all SUVIVORS !” Of rape and raw sewage? Homelessness and hunger? Death and disinterest? This of course is assuming the ‘survivors’ weren’t too delirious from dysentery, dehydration, insulin shock, death. She may have even offered ‘make-overs’ to air on her TV show to the first five hundred who have the most horrific stories and therefore, deserving of her largess. I had to look away….

A few surreal facts: the Super Dome, where so many died, was built on a cemetery for the poor. The bodies were dug up and presumably discarded or possibly used for landfill. It was built with public money only. It costs $90 to see a game, $1,300 a season, luxury boxes go for $109,000. The human waste and garbage have reached the upper decks. A few more fun facts: more than 6 million people have fallen into poverty since BB has been in office. The infant mortality rate has risen in the past 5 years and now is the same as Malaysia. Black children are 2 times more likely to die before their first birthday than white children. For 50 years there has been a sustained decline in the number of children who die before their fifth birthday – until 2000, when the trend has been reversed. Blacks in Washington DC have a higher infant mortality rate than people in the Indian State of Kerala. Or as the ever lovely and lovable Barbara Bush (BB’s beloved mother) so aptly stated: “And so many of the people in the area here were underprivileged anyway, so this is working very well for them. What I’m hearing, which is sort of scary, is they all want to stay in Texas. Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality.” (Personally, I have always found Barb really scary.) Your children are unaccounted for, your mother is dead, your dog is left stranded, you have no home, no clothes, no possessions, no mementoes, no job, no money, no future…but you sure are lovin’ that Texas hospitality. Pass the spam.

There was a Federal Emergency request put in by the Governor of Louisiana the 26th of August. BB okayed the request the 27th of August. My. My. It certainly looks like ‘the buck stops here’ with the boy. But in the spirit of ‘passing the buck’, BB is going to hunt down, to leave no stone unturned until he finds out who is responsible for such carnage…someday.

Someday: the Bush Boy looks in the mirror…and doesn’t quickly look away.
“Hey good buddy! How ya doin’?”
“Hey! Great!”
“I’m blamin’ everybody for that little mess in that wild town. The mayor, the gov’ner.”
“Good idea. Keep ‘em guessin’.”
“At the same time, I’m slippin’ John Roberts in for life without anybody noticin’. Heh, heh, heh. Those Democrats’ll never get in office now. We’ll have the whole country. America’ll be Texas!”
“Good goin’. Jeb won’t be Daddy’s favourite any more.”
“Yeah! And we’re gonna make New Orleans a Christian theme park. I got all my boys lined up. Ha..Ha..Halibur…ton, Fluor, Be..Bech..tel. We gave ‘em Iraq and now we’ll give ‘em New Orleans. Hey, Buddy, it’s Christmas time in August!”
“It’s September now. But, yer doin’ such a good job. Yer gonna be the next Teflon President.”
“Yeah? Du ya think they’ll finally let me be Baseball Commissioner?”
“Yeah. You deserve it!”

TTFN, Maggie

Letters From London