Letter From London - The Deed is Done - Humorous Gossip from London

‘Baby, You’re a Rich Man, Too’- 26 May

Dear me. Dear me. What a little bit of power and money can do, do, do.

Here we have Prince Harry’s girlfriend’s father, Charles Davy, wrists together, arms straight ahead: ‘Okay, okay; cuff me. I’ve been a bad boy. I’ve been a bad, bad boy.’ To jail or not to jail; that is the question.

An estimated £20m richer than rich from his (truly revolting) big game hunting business, protected by his relationship with (truly revolting) Robert Mugabe and friend/business partner/senior minister, Webster Shamu – until now. He will be investigated for the illegal export of large sums of foreign currency. Oh say, 80% kept in American banks. His American slaughterers pay £17,000 for 24 hours of shoot to kill, maim, wound already drugged beasts or pay a mere £500 per giraffe, elephant or zebra. CD quickly has sold up his HHK safari empire before more accusations of bribery and overt racism are made public; his white employees described their black labourers as ‘n*****s’ and compared them to dogs. Animal lovers all and smart moves all around.

Let’s blame the daughter, shall we? Mr Davy told a friend that Chelsy’s high-profile relationship with Harry had ‘caused him a lot of headaches’. As in getting caught out? Not her pre-Harry infamous partying and/or her “I want to be really famous” ambitions then?

Well, she’s costing us money rather than giving us headaches. The Met Police have refused a Freedom of Information request by London’s Evening Standard newspaper asking how much it has cost taxpayers to escort her through Heathrow with an entourage of “enough policemen to fill your average Freeman’s Hall”. Their rationale was that it would “prejudice the enforcement of law” and “increase the vulnerability of the girlfriend of Prince Harry”. Oh. But a mass of moving men in riot gear wouldn’t cause notice then? I want my money back.

The other week the workers’ saviour, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez visited London and deemed it necessary to hire an entire floor of The Savoy Hotel where suites alone start at £550 – and we’re assuming that sort of suite will be facing a brick wall on the top floor next to a bank of elevators. PHC was seen in the lavatory having the shoulders of his suit brushed by a ‘besuited flunkey’. No Cuban fatigues for him then. He left without leaving a tip for his fellow underpaid worker. I say: workers unite.

Meanwhile, it’s spin, spin, spin. Sir Paul declares Heather isn’t a ‘gold-digger’- to protect his aging ego? - to prevent Heather from making outrageous pecuniary demands? Sir Paul is notoriously cheap with his £825m. Ms “I’ve never heard of the Beatles” Mills is suffering from total shock in Slovenia. Had she not been paying attention? Word is that Sir Paul wanted a divorce 18 months ago; they have been living apart for a year, living virtually separate lives and have been discussing the divorce terms for many months. Is that coffee I smell? The latest is that baby Beatrice will reside with Paul; Heather will visit when she isn’t out searching for publicity. “Over here. Over here. It’s me. Lady Mills McCartney. Wife of Sir Paul, but don’t you dare ask me about our personal life. I’m over here.” She only wants part of his fortune to give it away. Pull the other leg (sorry, some things just can’t be helped).

And then it’s the Pope on tour appearing in Prada and Gucci - Versace under the vestments? Where is that vow of poverty hiding? When he and his entourage visited Auschwitz last week, there were no ‘sorrys’ (he is German after all, even if he does swath himself in Italian ready-to-wear), just a lot of ‘it wasn’t their fault’ rhetoric; somuch so, that the overall impression was that every German must have been in The Resistance? He even went to far as to say that the Nazis objective was the elimination of Christianity. Does this bear repeating? Christianity. Now; he was the very one when Pope Paul was alive and busy keeping Catholicism medieval who was responsible for protecting all those innumerable paedophiles who destroyed the lives of countless children. Is that him behind those Gucci sunglasses?

Fame, money, power…arrogance, avarice, entitlement. Baby, you’re a rich man, too.

TTFN

Maggie

Letters From London