Letter From London - The Deed is Done - Humorous Gossip from London

A Matter of Timing - 12 January

Dear Lulu,

“You WHAT? You’re WHAT? Leaving? Leaving here? Going where? Did you say you were leeeavingggggg?”Today is the day. If you want to leave your husband, wife, lover, partner, why not choose the perfect day: 12 January.

Online dating service Yahoo! Personals has named today the very day to leave your lover – not because Yahoo! Personals can benefit directly, oh no, it’s because so many couples break up at this time of year: twice as many break ups in January, most at the end of the working week.
Apparently, women take stock, men blame their in-laws for post-Christmas conflicts, 18-24 year-olds have been having too much celebratory Christmas fun and flirting, while 23% admit to having bought a lovely Christmas present for their loved one out of sheer guilt with the full knowledge that they planned to split up with them soon after. Dear me.

The agency’s Deborah Uri thinks that it’s “important people see this as an opportunity.” For whom exactly? Has she thought further on this? Who gets the cat?

Aggravating the ‘that’s my Kaiser Chief CD, you bastard! Here’s your beautiful Blunt crap! Augh!’ is the additional discovery that if your break up takes place in the early morning, you’re probably drunk. Well, you probably are still drunk from the night before, but even without viewing stuffed suitcases piled up in the hall from the bottom of a glass, researchers have discovered that short term memory, counting skills and cognitive abilities are so seriously impaired for up to 10 minutes after waking up and continuing up to 2 hours without a trickle of absinthe dribbling down your chin. The effect is apparently worse than for those sleep deprived for 24 hours.

Confusion over impending split? Fearful of loneliness and scary revenge fantasies?Not to worry; if you were born a female in India, you’re already dead. 10 million female foetuses are missing. Oops. Missing? Not exactly. More like murdered. Dr Shirish Sheth of BreachCandyHospital in Mumbai says: “Female infanticide of the past is refined and honed to a fine skill in this modern guise (i.e., ultrasound used in India and China). It is ushered in earlier, more in urban areas and by the educated…A careful demographic analysis sex ratios shows that about 100 million girls are missing from the world – they are dead.”

Termination by sex choice was made illegal in India in 1994, but the desire for a male heir always wins out (worldwide). Female foeticide has been the choice since it was introduced 20 years ago. No tussling over who gets the fuchsia silk, hand-embroidered duvet with four matching pillow shams.

Just think; if you make it past the 12^th, you only have a month before you can add even more debit to your Christmas credit card bill with £80 for roses, £45 for chocolates, £175 for two triangular pieces of white lace held together by a very delicate blue ribbon. Unless you are planning a surprise holiday in India or China.

TTFN

Maggie

Letters From London