Letter From London - The Deed is Done - Humorous Gossip from London

Too Good To Be True - 22 October 2006

Dear Lulu,

“Oh look, Guy! That one looks like you! Get me my lawyer. Now! Oh look, Guy! That one looks like me! Get me my lawyer. Now!”
Little David Banda had been one of 12 orphans and/or non-orphans and now Madonna’s got him. She has stated categorically: “I’ll never give him up! Over my dead body!” No worry there. Wealth usually buys health and other accoutrements.

Madonna talks to Brad and Angelina, Madonna chooses a 13 month old African boy from the internet, Madonna buys boy with promise of money for orphanage, Madonna dances – halt, cease and desist. This is where it all should have been stopped at the very point of personal delusion: the woman can not dance, the woman has no rhythm, the woman is an embarrassment to all white people who are convinced they can dance.

Staying true to her pecuniary status, Madonna has admitted to ‘twisting the law’ to suit herself. Rev Thompson, the orphanage director, told David’s father, Yohane Banda, that “a very nice Christian lady wanted to offer David a home.” Isn’t that Kabbalah Centre founder, Michael Berg over there in the background orchestrating things? Madonna wants to adopt another unfortunate straight away…a little three year old girl from the same village who “looks just like me! I told Guy, we must give this child a home, too.” Are we to assume Madonna is referring to her new, tighter, smoother, flawless face? Common knowledge by now; Malawi law does not allow for inter-country or foreign adoption.

£15,000 spent on toys and that was only last week. £20,000… 30,000 by Christmas? Little David now has his very own child-sized electric car, a £5,000 rocking horse, the de rigueur designer gear, a surround-sound system, cotton and cashmere linen…not a fashion accessory… really? Clearly he is surrounded by them. David’s room has been decorated with giant murals of tigers and lions. Good god. And a nanny to regurgitate his food, perhaps? But no jungle noises – exclusively classical piped in – a young child’s introduction to western culture? The money spent so far could have given the poverty-stricken of Malawi 10,000 chickens, 500 goats, 10 mud huts.

Mr Banda had hopes of at least one new mud hut and a chicken. Sources say he expected to be made rich from the child-to-Madonna transaction. Now what would that be? Anything over £1 a day would qualify him as leap over the poverty line. He is telling the press that he did not sanction the adoption; he merely lent David so he could acquire a better life. Apparently no one from David’s family visited him in the year that he was in the orphanage.

Not to worry, little David will have an abundance of fathers: three at last count. Biological, adopted and now god-father-friends-reunited Rupert Everett. Madonna thinks he can fulfil David’s African needs with his experience of working with African Aids victims.

When he is 18, Madonna will take big David to Milawi and let David decide where he wants to live. ‘Take’…‘let’… an 18 year old? Mummy Madonna is disengaging further and further from recognisable reality.

“I can’t do anything privately!” moans Madonna over the massive media coverage. Next Guy actually spoke: “It’s so preposterous that anyone would be critical of Madonna for wanting to share her love and wealth!” “Over my dead body” could be the first of many hints. Madonna’s new book is The English Roses: Too Good to be True.

TTFN

Maggie

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